dating, personally lyka, Thrash

On the “nice guy”

Throughout most of my adult life, I can honestly say I usually have more guy friends than women friends. Not because I’m one of those self-proclaiming “I do not get along with women” women who is essentially “just like the guys”– although who really wants to be like a guy? That’s another topic, for another day. And the bottom line is– for me, I’m not as picky with my guy friends because I talk more about what’s important to me with my women friends, so obviously I’m more selective about those who I’m closest to. And that’s that.

Onto my guy friends. It is pretty inevitable in almost every conversation that happens whilst we are eating or drinking we end up on the conversation of women and men. It never fails. One of the repeated things I hear from some of my male friends is that women do not want a “nice guy” and actually prefer jerks. And I just cannot understand from where guys get that ridiculous notion, because last time I checked grown women do not actually like jerks. Honestly, what sane person admits to even liking jerks? Image from Post SecretThis stupid idea is then planted into some poor guys’ head and then starts a sick cycle of nice guy turns into an asshole who then turns nice girl into, for lack of a better word, a bitch.

I am just going to state that, for the most part, we do not want to date an asshole. However.. at one point we probably did (instant regret) date that guy, but listen– we do not end up with that guy. That guy is just someone that happens in passing, a guy that was a mistake (or lesson– whatever), and was probably during a time where there were several bad decisions and possibly copious amounts of alcohol. Or you could have just had a bad judgement call. Whatever. The point is, this isn’t the final guy.

I do believe though that women do not like men who are pushovers and insecure. Whoever equated someone being nice to someone being a pushover is confusing a lot of people out there. You’re not helping women like me, who actually like nice men– who are not pushovers, and at the same time not uncompromising, egotistical jerks who have their heads so far up their ass that all they care about is being right. No. No, we do not want that, and what sane person would?

From speaking with other like minded women, honestly.. I think a nice guy that is also confident, but not in the fake, overcompensating, dictator way is really the ideal choice. Confidence in a man, is just extremely hot. Like.. you could be a 4 and bumped up to a 7, kind of hot. Trust me, I’ve dated that guy and it’s a real thing, y’all.

So I need the moaning from alleged/stereotypical “nice guys” to cease, because you’re just misguided. It’s not that you’re nice, it’s definitely something else. Perhaps lack of a back bone. I hate to tell you that, but I’m not here to boost egos. On the other hand! There are a select few who like that type of guy*.. those are dominant people. If you’re OK with not being the dominant one, then good for you. Don’t change, sweetheart.

*Exception, not the rule.

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20something, personally lyka, Sex, Thrash

On worthiness

I have been trying to blog all week. Five drafts later here we are. Yesterday morning while I was wasting time before I actually got out of bed, because I cannot just pop out of bed like normal people, I read this article a friend posted and literally hopped out of bed immediately just to write this.

Aside from the obvious misogynistic point of view, I’m kind of sad because now I feel as if have to tell my 2875846 nonexistent lovers that we need to stop having meaningless sex so that I can eventually end up with a guy that does the exact same thing because he’s entitled to do so because he’s the man and it’s expected but that I should really just wear a chastity belt on my lady parts. Run-on sentence. Really guys*? Not that I’m this unicorn he speaks of, but I consider that aspect of my life super tame, because I don’t even remember what sex is. Sorry, you can’t unknow that now. And for the record, it’s not because of what guys like that think.

But!

What if I wanted to be like this guy? What if I wanted to be the proverbial slut that has “no dignity or morals”? As a modern woman that seemingly has a lot going for her, I feel like I shouldn’t be judged over it. It’s 2013. I had this conversation with a guy friend just the other day about double standards– he asked me why do women feel that there is such a stigma to NSA sex, and I gave him a damn good answer my opinion: whether it’s true for some people or not, that double standard exists. I also told him that I think men are generally are better at compartmentalizing that aspect of their life, but that’s just from my observation. I don’t agree with it, and I think it’s ridiculous that there are people out there that still equate a woman’s worth based on this. It just alludes to the fact that we are still being seen as objects and not people. Times are changing though, and while this concept is still out there, I’m hopeful that most guys aren’t like that right?? Well, at least the guys I know personally.

But I digress, just because a group of small-minded people think this way, it shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want ladies! While I think that there should be a certain degree of self-awareness of why you do things, whether they’re for the right reasons or not (both men or women), sometimes you just want to go out and get some strange. Do some shit that you know is bad for you. Shit that makes you wake up the next morning saying hmm.. I probably shouldn’t’ve done that. But oh the hell well, lesson learned. I’ve had my moments, but now I’m at the age where I think about doing certain things..

Only because I know myself more than when I was in my early 20s, lost, had little sense of identity and was doing dumb stuff all the time. Probably not all the time, but it felt like it looking back. The magical thing about getting older is you tend to care less what other people think of you and just become who you were meant to become– or something like that. The people who are meant to be in your life will accept who you are– I mean, so what if I have several lovers post ridiculous memes, have a foul mouth, and can eat my weight in cookies? That malarkey aside, I’m an honest person who means what she says, loves meaningful conversations and hates small talk, and among other things.. if you know me, then you already know how I am. If you don’t know me, well I am whatever you think I am, I suppose. My point is, those dark spots on your life that people will judge you for do not define you– especially how many sexual partners you have and if someone thinks of less because of it, well you’re better off without that person in your life. Unless it’s like 100+ partners.. then that’s a whole different story. We may need to have a heart to heart about some thangs..

At first this article really ticked me off, like.. really. Then after a day of thinking about it, it just became more laughable. Smart women know the difference between a good guy and a misogynistic asshole– obviously this guy being the latter. I consider myself a very strong woman, so naturally I gravitate towards strong men, and this guy.. weak. Also, as a strong woman, I know that the opinions of the weak don’t define you.. nor should any one else’s, but especially those that are close-minded. Mhmm.

A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.

Coco Chanel

* Before I receive hate mail from my guy friends– I get it. Not all guys are like this, blah blah. I get it.

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IMO, personally lyka, Thrash

On serial dating

Ok so.. I’ll just say the first thing that pops into my mind in regards to this topic.

Taylor freakin’ Swift.

No this is not a hate post about her, but I’m just saying. Nor is this a post about just women who are serial daters. I’d like to think of myself as an equal opportunist when it comes to things that annoy me, and if I don’t like one gender doing it, I most certainly don’t like that other doing it as well.

I know, this has nothing to do with me– but it kinda does. So hear me out..

We all have this friend (or maybe you ARE this friend) that just jumps from relationship to relationshit. You watch it all pan out in your Facebook feed– he’s single, he’s taken, he’s in a “domestic relationship”, and the ambiguous, but fun, it’s complicated.

image from sxc.huI really, and truly, feel for people like that. I also would like to slap anyone that I know that is like that. I’m serious, man. I think– there’s a certain point where you just have to think to yourself that “maybe, serial dating is not working out for me. Maybe I just need to chill the fuck out and learn to be OK with myself first, before I even consider being happy with another human being.” I think that’s logical, wouldn’t you say? Of course you would.

I think being young and dating people to find out what you’re into is great and all, but there’s that point.. that most people should hit where you’re seeing the patterns. You see that maybe things haven’t worked out with Randy, Paul, and John because you’re pretty sure they’re all the exact same guy. Then it all clicks, you + this type does not compute to a healthy/lasting/fulfilling relationship (assuming that’s your end goal). Logically, you’d recognize it and learn and move onto something that suits you.

But I’m not talking about those people.

I’m talking about those other people that continue and continue to date the exact same person– literally and figuratively. Those people that get left broken hearted every single month because the same type of prick didn’t appreciate them. Hey, how about you appreciate yourself and do yourself a favor and hold yourself to a higher standard? Be selective. Be alone. Go find yourself in the mountains, or at the mall– whatever. Better things come your way when that happens, trust me. Be open to different, but don’t just be open for everyone to get on the merry-go-round.. you see where I’m going with this. And so what if your Facebook status will read that you’re single for two long months.. you’ll be OK. If anything you won’t be that person that I (and probably at least 47% of your friends) am silently judging because your new flavor of the week changes more often than this crazy North Texas weather. But don’t do it for me.. do it for yourself, because at the end of the day– you’ve got yourself, and if you can’t look out for yourself well.. you’re S.O.L., I suppose.

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