On modern mating calls

First I must preface this by saying some recent conversations and experiences I had– and also this article sparked this post. Dating and “talking” or whatever people want to call it– is so confusing nowadays. I miss those days when a guy would ask a woman on a date, face to face, and then they’d actually talk on the phone and hear each other’s voices, and get to know each other. What happened? I feel like now people just.. cyber stalk and text. It’s a little sad. I feel like in recent years, and this is me speaking from my personal experiences with the opposite sex, men do not really approach women the same way. Guys will be so bold as to add me on Facebook before asking for my phone number, or guys will ask me on a date via-text instead of in person. There’s something “unmanly” about it, to me at least. I cannot think of a better word for it, but it’s such a turn off for me. Maybe that’s not the right word, but it’s the only one resonating with me at this moment. I think I’d be, unfortunately, impressed if a guy just came up to me and was so bold enough to ask me on a date. Impressed only because no one really does that anymore– not from my recent experiences at least and also I’m extremely unapproachable. Or so people say.

Now, it’s so easy to be brave and say whatever you want with technology. I get a lot of shy guys trying to talk to me through these other outlets, but they won’t say anything so brave to me in person? Really? It doesn’t really work for me because I’m a shy and introverted person, for the most part, and you can’t have two shy people in a relationship.. I cannot be with someone who is shy. Cannot. I’m sure it’s great for women who mesh well with shy guys, for this gal right here? Negative.

Technology is wonderful in so many ways, but in so many ways it takes away from being personal. I’m a personal person. I don’t like having shallow relationships with people. I love getting to know people for who they are and everything that encompasses. Now, I feel like people are getting to know each other less, and we really do not get that face-to-face interaction that’s needed. For example, I really hate conversing via-text. I’m not talking about just tiny things, I mean I DESPISE having a conversation about nothing through text messages. I cannot emphasize that enough to my friends. Oh, you’re shopping? That’s great. It’s not. I don’t like to stay glued to my phone for an hour for a conversation that takes 2 seconds in real life. I don’t. If I like you, as a friend or whatever, I want to see you and hang out or talk on the phone. I’m a text with purpose kind of gal. Plus, if you want to converse with me so badly, you should probably give me your undivided attention, because the last thing I want to be is your afterthought while you’re really focusing on what produce to get at the grocery store. And that gets two snaps.

Plus, have you ever had an argument with a significant other via text? Stupid. It’s stupid, is what it is.

Maybe I’m just an old soul, finding it hard it hard to even find someone who I want to get to know in this app-loving, snapchatting world in which we live. Who knows. But really, where are those men now?

On breaking up.. with friends

So you have this friend. You’ve been friends with this person for a while.. a few years maybe. You’ve been friends since you were teenagers and you went through that weird phase in your late teens/early twenties. You’re getting towards your mid-twenties and you notice that you two are heading in different directions. You notice that the friendship is starting to be one-sided and more of a hassle than it’s worth. You notice that the energy when you’re around said person is quite depressing and it makes you want to hang yourself (figuratively.. of course).

This was me a few years ago. This was me with quite a few people in my life. I believe that there are pivotal moments in your life where you’re going to change, and your relationships with people either have to change or they get left behind. I had these moments where I had to step away from someone because our relationship just wasn’t serving either one of us and it was hard, man. It’s hard to let go of something that you put years into.. your soul, your secrets into.. it’s hard to let go of a person that you made so many memories with but sometimes it’s necessary.

Like romantic relationships, I am all about breaking up with your friends for the greater good. I stumbled across an old Tumblr I had– I don’t know why I have two Tumblrs.. actually, but anyway I saw this post and it was racking my brain because I could not for the life of me think of any guy I was dating at that time! Then it Break Up dawned on me.. I was talking about a female friend. Dear God. How emotionally loaded was that post?! Granted, I’m still very much so the same, but I think I handle these type of situations differently– posting on a blog while I’m emotionally heated is not one of them. I was reading it and was so horrified by how “raw” I was about it. I wrote exactly what was on my mind, unfiltered and unafraid. I’m surprised there weren’t more f-bombs thrown in to be quite honest. It brought back so many memories, I don’t think any of my friends realized how frazzled I was about that relationship. It was so unbelievably unhealthy. I audibly sighed out loud just thinking of that emotional roller coaster.

But back to my main point.. I was at a point where I could not keep holding onto something that wasn’t working and I believe a lot of people have felt that way about a friendship at one point in time. People, you gotta let it go. Keep in mind, I’m not saying just throw out all those hard relationships or anything. I think if a friendship is salvageable, and worth it, you ought to fight for it. But if there’s nothing there, and you’re at the end of your rope and you’ve already tried talking it out and cannot come to a consensus, then you better walk away. Unfortunately, breaking up with a friend is not so easy, but hey neither are the other kind of breakups. The right way is often not the easy way, but it’s so much better in the long run.

On serial dating

Ok so.. I’ll just say the first thing that pops into my mind in regards to this topic.

Taylor freakin’ Swift.

No this is not a hate post about her, but I’m just saying. Nor is this a post about just women who are serial daters. I’d like to think of myself as an equal opportunist when it comes to things that annoy me, and if I don’t like one gender doing it, I most certainly don’t like that other doing it as well.

I know, this has nothing to do with me– but it kinda does. So hear me out..

We all have this friend (or maybe you ARE this friend) that just jumps from relationship to relationshit. You watch it all pan out in your Facebook feed– he’s single, he’s taken, he’s in a “domestic relationship”, and the ambiguous, but fun, it’s complicated.

image from sxc.huI really, and truly, feel for people like that. I also would like to slap anyone that I know that is like that. I’m serious, man. I think– there’s a certain point where you just have to think to yourself that “maybe, serial dating is not working out for me. Maybe I just need to chill the fuck out and learn to be OK with myself first, before I even consider being happy with another human being.” I think that’s logical, wouldn’t you say? Of course you would.

I think being young and dating people to find out what you’re into is great and all, but there’s that point.. that most people should hit where you’re seeing the patterns. You see that maybe things haven’t worked out with Randy, Paul, and John because you’re pretty sure they’re all the exact same guy. Then it all clicks, you + this type does not compute to a healthy/lasting/fulfilling relationship (assuming that’s your end goal). Logically, you’d recognize it and learn and move onto something that suits you.

But I’m not talking about those people.

I’m talking about those other people that continue and continue to date the exact same person– literally and figuratively. Those people that get left broken hearted every single month because the same type of prick didn’t appreciate them. Hey, how about you appreciate yourself and do yourself a favor and hold yourself to a higher standard? Be selective. Be alone. Go find yourself in the mountains, or at the mall– whatever. Better things come your way when that happens, trust me. Be open to different, but don’t just be open for everyone to get on the merry-go-round.. you see where I’m going with this. And so what if your Facebook status will read that you’re single for two long months.. you’ll be OK. If anything you won’t be that person that I (and probably at least 47% of your friends) am silently judging because your new flavor of the week changes more often than this crazy North Texas weather. But don’t do it for me.. do it for yourself, because at the end of the day– you’ve got yourself, and if you can’t look out for yourself well.. you’re S.O.L., I suppose.

On niceness and stalking

Communication.  It’s one of my favorite topics.  I’m a woman of little words, however, when I do talk– I mean what I say and I say what I mean.  I’m honest.  I believe when communicating something very important to you, you better speak about it and make sure the message you intend for your audience it received in a way that there is little to no error.  I especially think it’s important when it comes to matters of the opposite sex.

I was speaking with my friend J yesterday and she was telling me about a new coworker that had been a  little too talkative.  He was asking too many damn questions.. you know.  That guy.  Anyway, I was telling her that she better let him know that she’s not interested, and just try to nip this in the bud now before it becomes a bigger problem.  Then she tells me something that I hear too often from other women I know– she doesn’t want to be mean

Mean?  Really?!  I’m surprised* people still think this way.  I didn’t know that being honest about never being interested in someone is such a horrible.. impolite thing to do.  Personally, I think being strung along is way worse.. don’t you think?  Because if someone is obviously flirting with you, and you don’t do something to stop it early I feel like they think that you’re actually OK with it– which it’s not 90% of the time.  I mean, there’s a way to go about it– you just can’t go up to people and say, “hey, I’d never ever sleep with you.” then proceed to laughing gleefully in their face.  That would definitely convey that “never happening” message clearly, but I believe in tact.. whenever possible.  One shouldn’t be afraid to be honest just because the other person isn’t going to like it, especially if you have an awkward situation on your hands.  And by awkward, I mean stalker situation.

*I’m not really surprised, I just think it’s stupid..

“I’m not into drama.”

I love reading that sentence on someone’s profile, because then I can then assume that:

A) this person probably has a lot of drama in their life
B) this person is quite the drama magnet,

which is great for my news feed on Facebook when I need to be entertained on long days at work.  This person, I find, is the type of person who airs out all their dirty laundry via FB status, graphic photo, or tweets, yet has the nerve to wonder why everyone else is up in their Kool-Aid.  Just know this, when you post things online for others to read, it will be discussed to some extent.  I feel like people don’t realize this.  Be aware.

These “I don’t want no drama” type people are the kind that will get angry via status and let everyone know how someone close to them completely screwed them over.  It’s your right, I suppose.  However, does this solve your problem?  Does the fact that you just called your baby’s daddy a dead beat father via Facebook status make you think this guy is going to read that, look at the 8 likes and 4 comments from your girlfriends, and make him come to some epiphany?  Because I’ll tell you right now, it probably won’t happen babe.  I mean if it helps you, by all means.. go for it. But drama lovers or not, I don’t know too many people who want to read that nonsense every other day.  Just sayin’.

And if it were me, I’d keep that offline.  But don’t take my word for it, it’s more fun (for me) if you learn that the hard way.  It’s great for you too, because that’s the best way to learn!  Right?!

And welcome to my blog.  I was not creative enough to come up with this name, a friend picked it out for me.  It fit, so I got it.  Thank you, Doug.

This is where I’ll be ranting and raving about my favorite topic:  people. I love people.  I wonder about people.  I plan on making a career about the study of people.  And because my B.A. in that field is not serving any useful purpose at the moment, I’ll use it as a reason as to why you should think I know what I’m talking about 20%* of the time.   Besides, sometimes 420 characters in my statuses just isn’t enough to express my thoughts about humanity as a whole.  Welcome.

*This isn’t a real statistic, and what I say has no merit in psychological research.