So I am officially back to my country, permanently! I came back with a Master of Art’s degree in International Politics and Human Rights and a baby that will (should) be born next month. Surprise! Coming back from London, and expecting to be a single mother was not in my plans, but life does not care about your plans. Which is fine, adaptability is something I like to think I have acquired after all these years anyway. The last few months have been a roller coaster of emotions, and I do not know if this it is the hormones talking or what– although I like to throw that excuse out there when I can, because no one will question me anymore. Perks. Between wrapping up my master’s program, finishing my dissertation, a transatlantic move to North Carolina, and adjusting to life in a new place.. it has been a lot. It has also been a learning experience!
I can remember the day I found out I was pregnant so vividly, it was on the 27th of April. I remember looking at those two lines and thinking, “Oh. My. God.” I remember really wanting lots of fruit juice that previous week, not being able to get up for my final weeks of lectures because I was too exhausted, and falling asleep in the library because I could not stay awake whatsoever (in the middle of the day). I remember calling my mother within hours of finding out, and before I could even say the news, I could not stop crying out of shame and feeling so mortified. She was very happy about the news, by the way. I on the other hand, I was complete a wreck. I had essays due, a dissertation proposal to write, and at the time a boyfriend I barely knew. It was not the time. Not that there ever really is a right time, but this definitely erred more on the worst possible timing side of things.
Fast forward to now, two trimesters, a master’s degree, a new country, and a breakup later– I’m here and my baby (it’s a boy) is still here. By the grace of God that baby is still here. I say that because during the first trimester I really worried about miscarrying just because I was not expecting this and you never know what could happen, and the second and third trimester was just full of stress from my situations. It was unbelievably stressful. I really wanted to be fully happy about this baby, and I was happy to a certain extent, but the situations surrounding this pregnancy put such a dark cloud over me for a while. Now I am at a place where most days are better than others, I am still settling into my new place in Charlotte, NC, and I know I made the right choice by coming back to the US. I had previously planned to stay in London due to the work opportunities within my studies, but God had other plans for now and I’m really OK with that.
I could say a lot of other things about this pregnancy, but I what I will say for now is that outside of my normal first-time mommy fears, I am pretty anxious now to see this little man that’s been kicking me all throughout the late night hours. Aside from only being slightly uncomfortable, this pregnancy has been really easy so far. I was really surprised. I will hold my breath though because this labor part that is coming up next month might be a different story.. hopefully I will get some sort of a nursery up by then. Oops.
Well the good news is now I have a ton of free time to write since I am currently unemployed, and a lot of material saved up from the past year! So, I shall see you sooner than later. Until next time..