I don’t know how many times I’ve written about not being able to blog about something, but I tell you it never gets old. I don’t know how many nights I’ve stared at this screen and started bitching in my blog about people, things, events, etc. I usually stop after the first paragraph. I have so many things circling my mind, which is why I turn to writing in the first place. It’s nice to know I can be free on this blog, it’ll be like my “misplaced” Moleskine.. except I won’t try to throw too much shade at men I’ve been involved with.. much.. we’ll see how I’m feeling that day. Can’t make any promises. Ha.
I think what really weighs heavy on my mind is this “post-college” yet “pre-real life” phase I’m going through. I use “pre-real life” because I’m not really.. doing anything. Nothing is fulfilling me at this moment, to be quite honest. And I can only be honest here. It was as if I was going on this path, I could see it clearly.. then it got derailed and I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. The question of what I’ve been up to makes me super uneasy now, because the sad and pathetic answer is “nothing”– and in my head I know I’m better than that. After I graduated college, I don’t even KNOW what happened to me. It wasn’t anything bad, or anything good, it was just.. nothing. It didn’t serve me.. at least not to my knowledge, and maybe I’ll learn something from this point in my life. I’m sure I will. I know I’m not the only person in that weird phase after college– or that phase in their 20s where they’re trying to find their niche in this world. I thought I had an idea, but you know plans don’t always go as planned. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans I suppose. Or so they say. I’m at least hopeful that my life will one day be fulfilling, once I get up and figure out which direction I want to take. I realize that you may not know the destination, but you must get up and move one way or the other. Easier said than done.
This mid-20s period is rough, man.
I’ve been wanting to start this blog for a long time now.. and I think starting it is a step towards moving out of this slump I’m in– because I’m tired of feeling like this Buzzfeed meme. No seriously, that pretty much just described me, in the most hilarious way possible.
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.”
– Jack Handey