This week something awful happened. I had my fur baby, Honey, put to sleep two days ago. I’m 24 years old, and that point was the first time in my life that I truly felt loss. Sure, I’ve had relatives pass on, but no one I was super close to. Honey, I’ve had her for 6 years and 3 months to the date that she passed.
It was July 1, 2006 that I received her from one of my ex-boyfriends. We were arguing and he had her with him as birthday present, and he took me inside his house and showed me this beautiful bunny that I had been hinting at wanting for quite some time. The arguing ceased right there. Her and I had been soul mates ever since.
If you know me, you know no one would accuse me of truly being an animal person. I love my animals, I have pitbulls as well, but I don’t particularly gravitate towards anyone else’s pets.. but I love my bunny. She was family, my baby. Although she wasn’t a baby, and to be quite honest she wasn’t the most pleasant bunny I’ve ever had. Like myself, she wasn’t much a people person, and she tended to be over cautious. Although towards the end of her life, that started to change. I think it had to do with her not feeling well, and not because she started being particularly fond of pitbulls. Heh. The last full day I had her before she was euthanized, she was completely out of it. It seemed like she was holding on for dear life, literally. It hurt to watch, I screamed out of anger and pain in the other room thinking my rabbit was dying at that very moment. Eventually she did rouse, but it still wasn’t the same. I knew something had been up for a few weeks, but I couldn’t face it. I took her to the vet on Monday and already had the idea in my head that there wouldn’t be anything the veteranarian could do. My worst fear became a reality, but it wasn’t something I hadn’t already thought of or anything, I just didn’t really want to say it out loud. Luckily, I had my best friend by my side.
I can’t really express much after “it” happened. I just know that she felt extra heavy when I buried her, when she felt too light while she was alive. The rest of the day and the day after I felt so.. numb.
It was like a really bad break up but so much worse. The pain was so much more deep than that. I’m not one to express how I feel clearly, but I always feel–I always feel. And now I officially know how it feels to lose something so dear. And it hurts, damn it. I can’t say it out loud, but God, it really hurts.
