This week something awful happened.  I had my fur baby, Honey, put to sleep two days ago.  I’m 24 years old, and that point was the first time in my life that I truly felt loss.  Sure, I’ve had relatives pass on, but no one I was super close to.  Honey, I’ve had her for 6 years and 3 months to the date that she passed. 

It was July 1, 2006 that I received her from one of my ex-boyfriends.  We were arguing and he had her with him as birthday present, and he took me inside his house and showed me this beautiful bunny that I had been hinting at wanting for quite some time.  The arguing ceased right there.  Her and I had been soul mates ever since. 

If you know me, you know no one would accuse me of truly being an animal person.  I love my animals, I have pitbulls as well, but I don’t particularly gravitate towards anyone else’s pets.. but I love my bunny.  She was family, my baby.  Although she wasn’t a baby, and to be quite honest she wasn’t the most pleasant bunny I’ve ever had.  Like myself, she wasn’t much a people person, and she tended to be over cautious.  Although towards the end of her life, that started to change.  I think it had to do with her not feeling well, and not because she started being particularly fond of pitbulls.  Heh.  The last full day I had her before she was euthanized, she was completely out of it.  It seemed like she was holding on for dear life, literally.  It hurt to watch, I screamed out of anger and pain in the other room thinking my rabbit was dying at that very moment.  Eventually she did rouse, but it still wasn’t the same.  I knew something had been up for a few weeks, but I couldn’t face it.  I took her to the vet on Monday and already had the idea in my head that there wouldn’t be anything the veteranarian could do.  My worst fear became a reality, but it wasn’t something I hadn’t already thought of or anything, I just didn’t really want to say it out loud.  Luckily, I had my best friend by my side. 

I can’t really express much after “it” happened.  I just know that she felt extra heavy when I buried her, when she felt too light while she was alive.  The rest of the day and the day after I felt so.. numb. 

It was like a really bad break up but so much worse.  The pain was so much more deep than that.  I’m not one to express how I feel clearly, but I always feel–I always feel.  And now I officially know how it feels to lose something so dear.  And it hurts, damn it.  I can’t say it out loud, but God, it really hurts.